Do you often feel an abrupt mood swing? Today, you’re fit, and the next moment you’re down with sadness, sorrow and lots of resentments, sometimes anger. Even in the midst of friends and loved ones, you could still feel loneliness in the deep of your heart. Simply put, you don’t feel happy these days, and you don’t know why. Well, I understand how you feel, just be rest assured dear friend, you are not alone; we have all been through. I, personally, have been through tones of challenging moments like this, where you feel down and bittered without knowing why? Thank God I overcame, and that is why I’m here for you—to help you heal. Okay?
First, I can predict some of the habits you might have compulsively adopted—overeating, smoking, sex, masturbation, cutting, starving, drug and alcohol abuse, snubbing and fighting friends who tend to hurt you with words and actions, or probably, you chose to stay away from people, generally. But they never got you out of the dungeon; all you’ve got is addiction upon addiction; more and worse pains periodically.
Anyway, that’s no longer a problem anymore; I believe if I can get over years of emotional pains and trauma, then anybody can. So, What’s the first step?
Locate the source. Sounds too fragile, right? That was the same way I felt the day Mr. Josh told me plainly while I was in the same condition as you are right now. Oh, lest I forget, Mr. Josh has been more of a father to me among many others; he’s actually more than a mentor or a coach. After God, I attribute virtually my entire emotional, intellectual and mental breakthrough to him. So, sorry I digressed, smiles, he said to me, “Faith,” he said, “you need to locate your source because that is the cause of your problem.” He concluded with, “you have a deep emotional wound, but the moment you locate the source (of those wounds), then you’ll begin to enjoy peace.”
WHAT IS A SOURCE?
The source is a starting-point, the origin or the genesis of a something. The trauma, anger, and the pains you frequently feel originate from a particular incident or series of incidents that hurt you so bad in the past. A boy was beaten by his mate and, when he got home, his father scolded him. “You foolish child,” he roared, “You’re not like me at all. When somebody beats you, don’t you know you’ll fight back? Hit him with anything you can and let his mother or father come and face me.” The advice sank, and he eventually matured into a rebel. This encounter is the source of his violence.
Susan grew up lonely, unloved and neglected by her alcoholic father. Apart from that, she suffered severe verbal and physical abuses from him along with her mother, the family’s breadwinner. Consequently, Susan grew up yearning for love and approval in relationships and beyond. She needed to feel the love and care she missed as a child. What is the source of Susan’s endless yearning—her past abandonment and abuses?
WHAT’S THE ESSENCE OF LOCATING THE SOURCE OF MY PAINS?
Locating the source is the beginning of great recovery. The day I addressed the root of my bitterness and rage, I wept more than ever, like rain falling after years of drought, but, eventually, I felt a great relief in my life. It was like a beam of light in the dark. Secondly, you will have peace and joy inflow. It opens up your heart to let go.
REALLY, SO HOW CAN I LOCATE THE SOURCE OF WHAT I FEEL?
Ask yourself the ‘W5’ questions—what, why, when, where and who. Begin by asking yourself what emotions you’re feeling right now; be sincere to yourself and focused. Avoid all forms of distractions. You can achieve this by meditating on your thoughts and emotions. Kindly dedicate 10 to 15 minutes or more. Don’t stop until you find it.
Next question is why. Ask yourself, “why do I feel this way?”—name the exact feelings. To get an answer to the “why” question, begin to recall past events in your life—from few seconds ago down to ten, fifteen years ago, up till your early childhood. I bet you’ll definitely find a crack along the way. Another phase to observe is those past, painful events that forced you to file revenge, or in the midst of tears, swear never to forgive. These kinds of pains don’t always go just like that, even after many years. According to experts, 70 percent of recurrent mood swings results from past forsaken pains. Spend another 10 to 20 minutes tracing most of these events.
Then, who did you have this gruesome encounter with—was it one of your parents or sibling? Could it be a teacher, lecturer or maybe your boss in office?
When did this incident happen—what time of the day, morning, noon or night? Was it on a holiday period or festival or just a normal day. What was the weather like? All this is to help you create a glittering image of the occasion.
After when is where. Is it at home, in school, religious gathering, social or any other assembly, could it also be in your workplace? Spend like ten minutes on this exercise.
I’m sure by now, those memories might have welled up tears in your eyes—that’s okay; let it flow. It shows few steps away from total healing. Bravo! You’ve done a great job today.
The best way to heal any emotional pains or trauma is to locate its starting-point; the specific person or thing that created such an excruciating moment in your life. To identify your source, look inward, browse through memories. Keep searching; don’t stop until the source is located. And remember, the moment you locate the source of your emotions, then you’ll begin to enjoy peace.
Stay healthy and smile always.
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