My ink faints, words dry up and my thoughts run amok whenever I pick a pen to paint on paper some messages of love. The reason sounds quite obvious but to me alone. “Does love really exist?” One big question I often ask myself, “Love doesn’t exist, at least, not in this world,” the answer I give to the same question I pose.
It’s been a bone of contention between me and pals who believe that love still exist. So many people—both young and elderly—have tried hard to paint a picture of what love feels like but at every point, I would always end up blocking their thoughts with my stack belief.
Though, I had evidences to prove my claim: two people falls in so-called love today, few months later, the love fails and they path ways. People get married today and few months after “I do” they choose to undo. Thus, divorce has suddenly eaten through the yarns and fabrics of our society breeding deserted homes, selfish ambitions; nobody cares for anybody. These thoughts crowded my mind and of course, pushed me to hate love.
At first, people think that my hatred for love was a result of painful experiences of heartbreaks and break ups. Any time this assertion stems up, I always end up laughing out in great Swahili (hihihihiiii) because why? I never for once give my heart to be messed because I chose to hate love and so, never fall for its captivating feels.
But recently, I decided to step back and view this concept from the opposing view. From that vantage point, I realize the truth on both side.
Despite the increasing rate of breakups, we have couples who started dating from teen; they stood by each other, grew together and wedded into holy matrimony. Despite the growing rate of divorce months after “I do” we still have couples who lived together as best friends, shared love in other dimension and still retain that bond of holy matrimony till 50 years anniversary and still counting.
And, despite the rate at which men who appear loving in courtship changes months after marriage, we still have men who remained their wives’ best pal, lover and confidant and never wishes for death to do them apart.
These contrasting scenarios got me thinking, questioning and studying to know why some relationships obtain and maintain love to the end while others run down the drain. This is what I discovered:
Love is like a seed planted in oasis of the desert, it requires constant watering, correct quantity of nutrients to sprout up, yield fruits retain its evergreen nature.
Love is like a beautiful mansion in the wall Street, it requires strong bricks, powerful pillars and experienced builders to make stand strong. This simply depict that love doesn’t fall from the sky; it grows, love is built.
Like a seed and mansion, love is grown and built. For perfect love exist, understanding, trust and sheer respect are the core building blocks. These are the traits every love-lasting relationships have in common.
Understanding is the mother love. For every relationship be it personal or interpersonal, marital or professional, love can never emerge if understanding is lost.
The other ingredient is trust. You can love a person without trust but you can never trust without loving. Trust is love in disguise. Until you have built trust to the point that you can be vouched for, love can never last; It may never come either.
The degree of respect a person gives determines the degree of love you’ll get from such person. Love without respect is like a vehicle with flat Tyre—it can never go far enough.
On a final note I’ll say, don’t sit aside waiting for people to love and cherish you because it may never come. Rather, go out of your way to build trust and dignity for yourself, respect people no matter how small for respect obeys the law of reciprocal and above all, strive for understanding. These are core ingredients of love.
Author: Beatrice Mokwunye